FREAKSHOW
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Welcome To The Freak Show
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Inscribed Forever on Bitcoin · Trapped for Eternity
01Shitstorm Bastard
Blood-Soaked
Collects ketchup packets from fast food joints and calls them 'trophies.' Has never met a white shirt that couldn't be ruined. Their mother still won't return their calls.
02Fuckface Outlaw
Gore-Covered
Once tried to start a fight club in a library. Got banned for being 'too enthusiastic.' Now they just stare at people until they feel uncomfortable enough to leave.
03The Chain-Smoking Asshole
Flesh-Eating
Claims to be a vegetarian but 'only eats things that scream.' Has been banned from every all-you-can-eat buffet in three states. Still carries a loyalty card.
04Pissblood Maniac
Bone-Crushing
Has a PhD in 'Applied Aggression' from a university that doesn't exist. Their business card just says 'Professional Menace.' They take it very seriously.
05Motherfuckin' Warlord
Skull-Fucking
Runs a small business selling 'authentic battle scars' on Etsy. Has five-star reviews from people who've never met them. The reviews are... concerning.
06Whiskey-Soaked Shithead
Eye-Gouging
Once won a staring contest with a statue. The statue blinked first. They've been riding that high for six years. Has a restraining order from a taxidermy shop.
07The Belligerent Fuck
Throat-Slashing
Hosts a podcast called 'Why Everyone Is Wrong.' Has zero listeners but records every episode anyway. Their neighbors have formed a support group.
08Bastard King of Nothing
Blood-Soaked
Crowned themselves in a Denny's parking lot at 3 AM. The crown is made of bottle caps and regret. Their kingdom has a population of one, and even they're not sure about that.
09Blood-Caked Douchebag
Gore-Covered
Has never lost a game of Monopoly because they play by 'their own rules.' Those rules involve threats and property damage. The police have been called twice.
10The Unhinged Prick
Flesh-Eating
Runs a 'wellness retreat' that's actually just them yelling at people in the woods. Has a 100% customer satisfaction rate because dissatisfied customers don't leave reviews. Or the woods.
11Dead-Eyed Shitkicker
Bone-Crushing
Has a collection of parking tickets that they frame as 'art.' Claims they represent 'society's oppression of the free spirit.' The judge disagrees.
12Absolute Fucking Menace
Skull-Fucking
Wrote a self-help book called 'How To Be Me.' It's just 200 blank pages. It's a bestseller in their own mind. The bookstore won't stock it anymore.
13The Rusty-Ass Reaper
Eye-Gouging
Works as a handyman but only fixes things by 'intimidating them into working.' Has a 50% success rate. The other 50% involves property damage and confused homeowners.
14Scarred-Up Son of a Bitch
Throat-Slashing
Has a YouTube channel where they review 'the worst places to get stabbed.' It's surprisingly educational. The comments section is a war zone.
15Back-Alley Fuckstick
Gut-Ripping
Runs a 'consulting firm' that specializes in 'aggressive negotiations.' Their business model is basically just them being difficult. It's working.
16The Pissed-Off Degenerate
Soul-Reaping
Has a side hustle selling 'authentic cursed objects' on eBay. They're just things found in dumpsters. The reviews are... mixed. Mostly complaints.
17Knuckle-Dragging Fuckhead
Pain-Dealing
Claims to be a 'life coach' but their only advice is 'get angrier.' Has three clients, all of whom are probably them using different names. The results speak for themselves.
18Filthy-Mouthed Bastard
Torture-Loving
Hosts children's birthday parties. Parents don't know what they're getting into until it's too late. The piñata is always them. The children are always terrified.
19Chain-Burning Shitlord
Sin-Collecting
Has a collection of every parking meter they've ever destroyed. It's a large collection. The city has a file on them. It's also large. And growing.
20The Terminal Asshole
Hate-Weaving
Runs a knitting circle that's actually a front for something much darker. The scarves are... unsettling. They're also very warm. Mixed reviews.
21Blackout Drunk Fuck
Fear-Mongering
Has a newsletter called 'Things That Are Probably Fine.' Nothing in it is fine. Subscribers report increased anxiety. They have 10,000 subscribers. They're all masochists.
22Shit-For-Brains Bruiser
Death-Dealing
Works as a 'motivational speaker' but only speaks in threats. Their TED Talk was canceled. Twice. They still have the slides. They're just pictures of them frowning.
23The Violent Dickhead
Cursed
Has a pet rock named 'Regret.' They talk to it every day. The rock never responds, which they take as agreement. The rock is probably planning something.
24Bloodstain Motherfucker
Damned
Runs a dry cleaning business that specializes in 'impossible stains.' They create most of them themselves. It's a self-sustaining business model. The IRS is confused.
25Zero-Morals Shitbag
Forsaken
Has a podcast where they read terms of service agreements in a menacing voice. It's surprisingly popular among insomniacs. Lawyers listen to it for fun.
26Lead-Pipe Fuckwad
Abandoned
Works as a 'relationship counselor' but only gives advice on how to 'win' arguments. Their methods are... unconventional. Their clients are... single now.
27The Walking Middle Finger
Lost
Has a GPS that only gives directions to places that don't exist. They follow it religiously. They've been lost for seven years. They're fine with it. Everyone else is concerned.
28Whiskey-Breath Assclown
Rot-Faced
Runs a 'dating service' that's just them setting people up with themselves. They have multiple profiles. They all have the same picture. The reviews are... honest.
29Gutter-Born Fucker
Diseased
Has a collection of expired coupons that they treat like currency. They try to use them everywhere. Cashiers have started recognizing them. They have a code word.
30The Relentless Shitheel
Plague-Bearing
Works as a 'productivity consultant' but their only tip is 'stop sleeping.' They haven't slept in three years. They're very productive. And very, very strange.
31Spite-Fueled Bastard
Infected
Has a blog where they review 'the worst ways to die' based on 'extensive research.' The research is just them thinking really hard. The blog has a cult following.
32No-God No-Fucks Given
Pus-Dripping
Runs a 'spiritual retreat' that's actually just them in the woods yelling at trees. The trees are starting to yell back. Or maybe that's just the wind. Probably not.
33The Absolute Shitshow
Corpse-Eating
Has a cooking show where they only make dishes that 'look like mistakes.' They taste like mistakes too. The show has been canceled three times. They keep coming back.
34Concrete-Faced Dick
Grave-Robbing
Works as a 'facial expression consultant' but they only have one expression. It's not a good one. Their clients are... confused. They keep paying though.
35Mean-As-Hell Motherfucker
Tomb-Raiding
Has a collection of every 'Do Not Enter' sign they've ever stolen. It's a very large collection. They're running out of wall space. They're considering ceiling space.
36The Foul-Mouthed Animal
Coffin-Dwelling
Runs a 'language school' where they teach 'advanced profanity.' The classes are always full. The students are... colorful. Their parents are concerned.
37Punch-First Fuckstick
Death-Walking
Has a YouTube channel where they review 'the best places to have a breakdown.' They're very thorough. The tourism board is not happy. Neither are the locations.
38The Vile-Ass Menace
Flesh-Weaving
Works as a 'fashion consultant' but only recommends clothes that 'make people uncomfortable.' Their clients are... unique. Their friends avoid them now.
39Chain-Smashing Shithead
Skin-Stitching
Has a podcast called 'Things I Shouldn't Have Done.' Every episode is just them listing things. It's a long podcast. It's been running for five years.
40The Bad-Decision Bastard
Bone-Collecting
Runs a 'decision-making service' where they make all your bad decisions for you. It's surprisingly popular. Their clients have... interesting lives now.
41Black-Lung Shitlord
Organ-Harvesting
Has a collection of every 'No Smoking' sign they've ever ignored. They frame them as 'trophies of rebellion.' The fire department knows them by name.
42Angry-As-Fuck Nomad
Body-Snatching
Works as a 'travel agent' but only books trips to places that don't want visitors. Their clients always come back changed. Usually for the worse.
43The Scarred-Up Asshole
Mind-Breaking
Has a meditation app that's just them whispering threats. It has five stars. The reviews say 'very calming' and 'helped me sleep.' The app store is confused.
44Ruthless Motherfuck
Soul-Stealing
Runs a 'charity' that's actually just them collecting things. They collect everything. Especially things that aren't theirs. The police have questions.
45Brick-Fisted Fuckface
Dream-Killing
Works as a 'career counselor' but only recommends jobs that don't exist. Their clients are... creative now. They've started their own businesses. They're all failing.
46The Feral Shitbag
Hope-Destroying
Has a newsletter called 'Reasons To Give Up.' It's very thorough. Subscribers report feeling 'validated' and 'seen.' It's a concerning trend.
47Blood-Oath Bastard
Joy-Eating
Runs a 'happiness workshop' that's actually just them explaining why happiness is overrated. Attendance is mandatory. For them. Everyone else left after the first session.
48The Loudest Asshole Alive
Scream-Collecting
Has a podcast where they just yell. That's it. Just yelling. It's number one in several countries. Those countries have hearing problems now.
49Whiskey Riot Fucker
Terror-Making
Works as a 'party planner' but only plans parties that end in chaos. Their parties are legendary. The police are also legendary. They know each other well.
50No-Brakes Shitstorm
Horror-Spawning
Has a driving school where they teach 'advanced evasive maneuvers.' Their methods are... extreme. Their students are... traumatized. But they can parallel park.
51Spit-Blood Bastard
Nightmare-Fueling
Runs a 'dream interpretation service' but they only interpret nightmares. And they make them worse. Their clients have stopped sleeping. They're very tired.
52The Goddamn Problem
Evil-Embodied
Has a collection of every complaint filed against them. They frame them as 'achievements.' The collection is extensive. They're running out of frames.
53Fuck-Around-&-Find-Out
Psycho
Works as a 'life coach' but their only advice is 'find out.' Their clients are... finding out. They're not happy about it. But they're learning. The hard way.
54Chain-Rattling Shithead
Maniacal
Has a YouTube channel where they review 'the best chains for various purposes.' It's surprisingly informative. The purposes are... varied. And concerning.
55Mean Drunk Motherfucker
Lunatic
Runs a 'sober living facility' but they've never been sober. The residents are confused. So are they. But everyone's having a good time. Sort of.
56The Permanent Fuckup
Mad
Has a podcast called 'How I Ruined Everything.' Every episode is a new story. It's been running for ten years. They have a lot of stories.
57Bare-Knuckle Shitkicker
Insane
Works as a 'boxing instructor' but they only teach 'the illegal moves.' Their students are... effective. The boxing commission has questions.
58The Violent-Ass Prophet
Crazed
Has a newsletter where they make predictions. They're all wrong. But they're very confident. Their subscribers are... entertained. And confused.
59Zero-Filter Bastard
Unhinged
Runs a 'filter company' that makes filters that don't filter anything. They're very popular. Their customers are... unique. They like unfiltered things.
60The Last Shit Standing
Unstable
Has a collection of every 'Last One' sign they've ever seen. They take them literally. The stores are confused. So are the other customers. They're very committed.
61Asphalt-Stained Fuck
Volatile
Works as a 'road maintenance consultant' but they only recommend 'creative solutions.' Their solutions involve a lot of asphalt. And confusion. The city is concerned.
62The Ruthless Prick
Violent
Has a podcast where they review 'the best ways to start fights.' They're very thorough. The reviews are... detailed. The police have listened. They're not happy.
63Heavy-Handed Shitlord
Brutal
Runs a 'massage therapy' business but their massages are 'aggressive.' Their clients are... sore. But they keep coming back. They're masochists.
64All-Hate Motherfucker
Savage
Has a collection of every 'Love' sign they've ever defaced. They frame them as 'corrections.' The corrections are... creative. And profane.
65The Loudmouth Bastard
Feral
Works as a 'voice coach' but they only teach 'advanced volume techniques.' Their students are... loud. Their neighbors have formed support groups.
66Bone-Breaking Asshole
Wild
Has a YouTube channel where they review 'the best bones to break.' It's very specific. The medical community is... concerned. And fascinated.
67The Foulest Fuck Alive
Murderous
Runs a 'cleaning service' that specializes in 'impossible messes.' They create most of them. It's a self-sustaining business. The customers are confused.
68Piss-&-Blood Menace
Slaughtering
Has a podcast called 'Things That Shouldn't Be Podcasts.' This is one of them. It's very popular. The listeners are... unique. They have interesting tastes.
69No-Remorse Shitbag
Butchering
Works as a 'butcher' but they only cut things 'creatively.' Their cuts are... artistic. The health department is not impressed. The customers are confused.
70The Walking Fuckstorm
Executing
Has a collection of every weather report that predicted 'calm conditions' on days they caused chaos. They frame them as 'disproofs.' Meteorologists are confused.
71Grit-Faced Bastard
Assassinating
Runs a 'character assassination service' but they only assassinate their own character. It's working. Their reputation is... legendary. In a bad way.
72Chain-Smoking Fuckhead
Genocidal
Has a YouTube channel where they review 'the best ways to be alone.' They're an expert. The reviews are... thorough. And sad. But informative.
73The Unapologetic Asshole
Terrorizing
Works as a 'apology coach' but they only teach 'advanced non-apology techniques.' Their clients are... effective. Their relationships are... strained.
74Hell-Raised Motherfucker
Psychotic
Has a podcast where they interview 'people who shouldn't be interviewed.' They're all them using different voices. The interviews are... revealing. And concerning.
75Scar-Tissue Shitlord
Demonic
Runs a 'scar removal service' but they only add more scars. Their clients are... unique. They like scars. They're collectors now.
76The Brickwall Prick
Hellish
Has a collection of every wall they've ever run into. They take pictures. The collection is extensive. Their medical bills are also extensive.
77Mouth-Full-of-Fuck-You
Necrotic
Works as a 'speech therapist' but they only teach 'advanced profanity.' Their clients are... articulate. Their parents are concerned. Their teachers are impressed.
78The Violent Shitshow
Rotten
Has a YouTube channel where they review 'the best things to ruin.' They're very thorough. The reviews are... detailed. The manufacturers are not happy.
79Whiskey-Fueled Bastard
Diseased
Runs a 'sober living facility' but they're the only one who's not sober. The residents are confused. So are they. But everyone's having a good time. Sort of.
80No-Mercy Fuck
Plague-Ridden
Has a podcast called 'Mercy Is Overrated.' Every episode is just them explaining why. It's very convincing. Their listeners are... changed. For the worse.
81Street-Born Shithead
Infected
Works as a 'street cleaner' but they only clean streets that don't exist. They're very thorough. The city is confused. So are the streets. They're clean though.
82The Meanest Ass Alive
Corpse-Like
Has a collection of every 'Mean' sign they've ever seen. They take them as compliments. The signs are... varied. And accurate.
83Blood-Drunk Motherfucker
Grave-Dwelling
Runs a 'blood bank' but they only accept 'special donations.' The donations are... creative. The medical community is concerned. The donors are... unique.
84The Purebred Bastard
Coffin-Born
Has a YouTube channel where they review 'the best coffins for various purposes.' It's surprisingly informative. The purposes are... varied. And concerning.
85Riot-Ready Fuckface
Death-Touched
Works as a 'riot prevention consultant' but they only prevent riots by starting bigger ones. Their methods are... effective. The police are confused.
86No-Soul Shitbag
Undead
Has a podcast where they interview 'people who claim to have no soul.' They're all them using different voices. The interviews are... revealing. And redundant.
87The Absolute Unit of Fuck
Flesh-Wearing
Runs a 'unit conversion service' but they only convert things to 'fucks.' Everything is measured in fucks now. The scientific community is confused.
88Knuckles-Out Asshole
Skin-Stitching
Has a collection of every 'Knock' sign they've ever ignored. They take them as suggestions. The suggestions are... creative. And loud.
89Zero-Fucks Warlord
Bone-Collecting
Works as a 'fuck consultant' but they only give out zero fucks. Their clients are... confused. They keep paying though. They're learning. Slowly.
90The Terminal Bastard
Organ-Harvesting
Has a YouTube channel where they review 'the best organs for various purposes.' It's very specific. The medical community is... concerned. And fascinated.
91Scarred & Pissed Off
Body-Snatching
Runs a 'body positivity workshop' but they only talk about 'advanced negativity.' Their clients are... changed. They're very negative now. But confident about it.
92The Filthy Fucking Problem
Blood-Soaked
Has a podcast called 'Problems I've Created.' Every episode is a new problem. It's been running for five years. They have a lot of problems.
93Godless Shitstorm
Gore-Covered
Works as a 'god consultant' but they only recommend 'no gods.' Their clients are... atheists now. They're very committed. And confused.
94The Relentless Motherfucker
Flesh-Eating
Has a collection of every 'Stop' sign they've ever ignored. They frame them as 'suggestions I've considered.' The suggestions were... not considered.
95Bad-Attitude Bastard
Bone-Crushing
Runs a 'attitude adjustment service' but they only make attitudes worse. Their clients are... effective. Their friends avoid them now. But they're happy. Sort of.
96Full-Tilt Fuckhead
Skull-Fucking
Has a YouTube channel where they review 'the best ways to go full tilt.' They're an expert. The reviews are... thorough. And concerning. But informative.
97The Final Fuck You
Eye-Gouging
Works as a 'final words consultant' but they only recommend 'fuck you.' Their clients are... effective. Their funerals are... memorable. And profane.
98No-Filter Shitlord
Throat-Slashing
Has a podcast where they say everything that shouldn't be said. It's very popular. The listeners are... entertained. And concerned. But entertained.
99Iron-Gut Asshole
Gut-Ripping
Runs a 'gut health service' but they only recommend 'things that will destroy your gut.' Their clients are... unique. They like challenges. And pain.
100The End-Stage Degenerate
Soul-Reaping
Has a collection of every 'End' sign they've ever seen. They take them as goals. The goals are... achieved. They're very committed. And concerning.